By Ryan Johnson
Generation EP

Each year December brings with it a multitude of holiday joys. The twinkling lights, a crisp snowfall, bells ringing, frantic shopping malls stocked with the latest toys and good old Santa are all familiar sights. Yet all is not well for St. Nick in the land down under.

Yes, our friends in Australia have recently decided that Santa’s jolly “ho ho ho” catchphrase is quite obviously meant to demean women. Although history would tell us Santa is merely greeting passerby with a cheerful and deep-bellied chuckle characteristic of the Christmas spirit, Santa will nonetheless be singing a different tune this year in Sydney .

So what will the big guy greet millions of Aussie ankle biters (that’s Aussie slang for kids, by the way) with this year? “Ha ha ha” will be the new, more female friendly phrase. It seems to me that Santa might be a little less inviting for a novelty photo when he is laughing at you. After all, no kid wants to be wearing that ridiculous reindeer sweater that Aunt Marlene gave him for Christmas last year. He told mom that at 6 years old, he is far too mature to be dressed up like that for the annual shopping excursion to the mall, and now even Santa is cackling away at him.

But apart from a little boy’s humiliation, there are other disturbing trends highlighted in this new policy. Our society appears to have reached a point where people, afraid of possibly offending someone, make every effort to reach the modern-day Nirvana termed “political correctness.” Do not get me wrong, I think most of us agree that directly and intentionally offending someone could earn you a big lump of coal in your stocking. Yet when an innocent children’s icon comes under fire for a using a historic and, until recently, non-controversial catchphrase, I wonder where it will end. In a few years will the Tooth Fairy be extracted from society because it offends people who don’t have any teeth?

In terms of being politically correct, this latest effort flat-out does not make sense. Although I hope that everyone, adults and children alike, can experience the Christmas spirit, Santa is really aimed at kids. It is an even sadder commentary to suggest that today’s children pass by Santa in the mall and say: “Mommy, Mr. Claus is using an insulting term toward women.” If this is indeed the case, then I think our priorities are in the wrong place. Maybe instead of changing Santa, we should change his presents. I think Santa would be just fine if we put a trade embargo on season five DVDs of “The Real World” coming from the North Pole.

Kids are also very observant this time of year, hunting for the slightest trace of hoof prints in the snow or listening for a faint ringing of jingle bells in the evening. Surely many will notice if Santa suddenly starts chiming “ha ha ha” instead of his usual. Which will most likely prompt the question: “Why isn’t Santa saying ‘ho ho ho’ anymore?”

“Um, because Rudolph just told Santa a funny joke?” They will never buy it.

So now it is back to square one, with one major difference. In an attempt to shelter kids from having to hear this derogatory term (something that they did not understand in the first place), we are placed into a situation where we have to teach them what was wrong with “ho” in the first place.

The practicality of encouraging Santa to use “ha ha ha” is pretty slim, and the necessity is, frankly, nonexistent. I would be curious to know how many women out there actually feel offended by Santa Claus. Why is Australia ’s capital city going through so much trouble to find a solution when there is no problem? The holiday season is supposed to bring people together, across boundaries, differences and conflicts, but instead it is now being politicized and causing divides.

Santa’s deep, rich laughter is as much a part of the Christmas spirit as cookies beside the tree, stockings on the mantelpiece and the annual 24-hour televised Yule log. I hope that Santa continues in the proud tradition of his original greeting, regardless of what the Scrooges down under say. They will soon learn that it is hard to take away part of Christmas. Just ask the Grinch.