By Ryan Johnson

As those of us in the new-fangled generation already know, the recent release of Halo 3, the third installment of the popular video game series, drew a record amount of sales. Soon the release of Guitar Hero 3: Legends of Rock will bring the energy and thrill of performing onstage to millions of living rooms and basements across the world. Our parents will negatively label us the “videogame generation.” But we know better.

There are several plausible reasons as to why older generations criticize our use of technology. The first, in my opinion, is jealousy. Think about it; most of our parents were lucky if they had the chance to experience the two-dimensional thrills of the coveted pong. I would be jealous too if I had to observe my son playing a rousing round of Mario Party, while I sat and wondered whatever happened to that monkey throwing the barrels.

This not only applies to videogames, but to many forms of new technology. I can stay in constant communication with my friends through the use of what my dad honestly once referred to as “e-texting.” Unlike boring phone conversations, texting conversations can occur anytime, anywhere and include those all-too-entertaining abbreviations and smiley faces. My generation, which I will label affectionately as the tech generation, should not be concerned about the carpal tunnel arguments used to try to frighten us away from the conveniences of cell phones. Our parents are probably, after all, just jealous.

My next theory is that the tech generation’s parents, whom we complain overreact to everything, are scared of a possible world takeover of technology. I, however, am a firm believer that “I, Robot” does not, in fact, predict the near future. And even if that did happen, we would certainly be safe in airplanes, which are so conveniently kept free from technology during those extended periods of takeoff and landing. I personally am more unnerved by the possibility of snakes on a plane than by mutated signal transmitting devices.

There is no way that robots could completely replace human beings anyway. We could program them to run businesses, but the catchphrase “You’re fired” just doesn’t sound as good coming from Trumpbot. We could train them to run the country, but even artificial intelligence can’t formulate some of the scandals in Washington . I do not know if robots would ever get caught with their claw under the bathroom stall, but I am pretty sure circuits would fry if that same robot tried to withdraw a guilty plea. The tech generation could even marry artificial beings, but if you thought your in-laws were cold before, wait until you shake hands with, quite literally, the iron fist of your future father-in-law.

My last line of reasoning as to why the tech generation’s parents so dislike videogames is that they wish their children would lead lives more similar to their own. You know, outdated things like going outside, exercising and attending social events. What they fail to realize is that the tech generation offers practical and more sensible methods of doing these things. Who needs to go outside and observe nature when you can relive the scenic beauty of the Oregon Trail right on your computer?

Getting exercise in the so-called “real world” is annoying. You have to buy nice shoes, get a gym membership and call ahead to reserve time on the courts. Through the Nintendo Wii fitness program, you can play tennis, go bowling, spar in the ring or hit home runs at the push of a button. And these activities all include actual physical movement, so why spend a small fortune on gas to drive to the gym?

Finally, the tech generation’s parents do not realize that videogames provide a whole new dimension of social activity. Via online gaming you can not only interact with your friends from school, but also meet and connect with people from all countries and cultures. We are on the road to world peace, right?
Here in Minnesota we have another practicality to online gaming. Say you wanted to go over to your friend’s house down the street, but it was the middle of a Minnesota snowstorm with below zero temperatures. Before online videogames there were two options: risk severe frostbite to be social or stay home all day. But the tech generation can have their cake and eat it too by staying warm at home and still hanging out with their friends.

Thus we can see that the tech generation should not be bothered by the technological generation gap. Just as our parents may not approve of our dependence on technology, their parents probably did not approve of their radical ideas about that Elvis character, “burn the bra” and the like. As for me, I will continue to enjoy the true genius of videogames. After all, where else can you lead the Gophers to a Rose Bowl victory?

Ryan Johnson is a senior at Eden Prairie High School and editor-in-chief of the Eyrie newspaper.