Eventually, all our heroes end up naked

I woke up and turned on the Today Show, then went to the closet to get out the shirt I was wearing for the day. Next, in my underwear mind you, I quickly opened my door and grabbed my free copy of the USA Today, slipping back in with much haste and stealth. As if anyone would notice or care if a half-naked man popped out of his hotel room door. Happens all the time, I’m told.

So no, nothing seemed at all out of the ordinary this particular day. My toothbrush was in the same place I left it the night before. I opened the curtain and revealed the impressive Chicago skyline. It was another gritty, chilly day in the windy city. But all looked right with the world. Yet, I felt a disturbance in the force. I really did. As if the wise Yoda himself was saying to me, “Looking for someone? Found someone you have, hmmmm?”

Later, I got dressed in front of the Today Show cast. They are like family to me after all these years, and yes, I miss Katie, and I’m not ashamed to admit it.

But right after Meredith Vieira interviewed a woman who had just written a book about using common toothpaste to build her children an environmentally friendly tree house, my world changed. Most likely, so did yours.

After the 200th hourly commercial break, I learned that Miley Cyrus, Disney’s own Hannah Montana, had just posed gosh-darn close to completely naked for Vanity Fair magazine.

I should have looked away, but they flashed the Annie Leibovitz photos on the screen and they are forever embedded in my mind. Was I shocked? Was I appalled? Was I sickened?

Yes, yes and yes.

But I wasn’t surprised. I am too old to believe in a happy ending, that this icon of tween girls could really keep up the goody goody image she and Disney had so painstakingly crafted. Oh, it would have been great if she could have kept it up. She would have been even richer, her father would have kept his job as her dad on the show, and I and millions of parents everywhere would have been happy.

But like Britney, Lindsay and Brooke Shields before her, Miley took the low road.

If we start to list the many, many actors, music superstars and athletes that we loved and respected who decided taking off their clothes was a way to additional stardom or infamy, we would need the Manhattan phone listings. Better we name those heroes who haven’t let us down, who haven’t caused us sleepless nights by exposing their navels.

In my case, I am proud to say that few of the sport and entertainment stars I follow have gone the way of the full Monty.

For example, Jack Nicklaus has never let us see “The Bear” bare. Thank goodness. Other than the LPGA tour with Jan Stephenson in the ’70s, and more recently Natalie Gulbis posing for calendars, most golfers are pretty discreet and professional male golfers are never even seen in shorts.

I have never had to endure seeing any of my favorite authors draped in a sheet – I suppose because most are dead.

As far as musical artists, similar to Miley, I think I am pretty safe. Chris Daughtry looks like he will keep his clothes on. My favorite bands from the ’80s have put on enough weight that they often perform in many layers, loose-fitting clothes, or snowmobile suits. Showing skin is not an option.

I suppose Miley and her advisers knew that as she aged, she was going to have to spice up her image to keep the career moving forward. Thus the racy, shocking photos.

I guess it is going to depend on what kind of career she hopes to have. I did like that silly Hannah Montana show, though. Honest, clean, albeit dumb, family entertainment for me and my girls.

Oh, my Achy, Breaky heart.