Some targets are just too easy. When mocking a person or an organization is
no longer good sport, it's time to find more challenging prey.

Take this year's Minnesota Vikings for instance. Although their dismal
record doesn't rival the stupidity of their Minnetonka boat sex party, there
may be no easier target to point at and disparage than this year's Vikes
squad. A one-and-three start, losing to some of the worst teams in the
league. As Jesse the Body would say, "Hoo-Ya."

And how much more lunacy can we take from the Britney Spears camp? Now the
poor girl has lost her children to ne'er-do-well, no-talent Kevin Federline.
Why, it's as if a girl can't drink and party 24/7 and still be a good
mother. Say it ain't so.

Not that I would compare the city of Eden Prairie to the Vikings or Britney
Spears, but, here we go again.

The Sept. 9 issue of the local StarTribune newspaper carried the damning
headline, "Eden Prairie merchants want new signs to set drivers straight."
And with a quick reading of the article, it appears the city and chamber are
perfectly willing to participate in the continued insanity.

This is an old story folks. A year ago we were advised that the city was
hiring expensive road sign consultants called "Wayfinders." Wanting to learn
more about the field of wayfinding, I embarked on some research.
Interestingly, I found that Wayfinders dress in flowing robes and wear tall
hats with a wide brim. They dance through streets and intersections singing
Carly Simon tunes and playing the zither. They then collect big money from
confused cities to purchase new German luxury cars and chalets in Vale and
Big Sky.

Anyone proud to live in our fine city certainly wept as they read the Strib
article. Statements such as "lost in Eden Prairie problem," and "Eden
Prairie's winding streets have confused motorists since the 1980s" made me
feel ashamed and embarrassed. My friends from Bloomington and Hopkins chided
me mercilessly.

The most amazing tidbit in the article was that EP officials at the city
hall and Chamber of Commerce say that they regularly field calls "from
people who can't find their way in or out of town."

Really? Honestly? You want me to believe that some moron, who after driving
around the mall for 30 minutes and not stumbling over 494, Highway 5, 212 or
169 had the mental acumen to locate the phone number for the EP Chamber of
Commerce? And just how often do these "regular" calls come in? Are lost
souls phoning daily, weekly or each time the Twins win the World Series?

Mall management has pledged to put up 18 signs at its own expense (thank
you). That should certainly help people unfamiliar with our area. The city
is looking at installing 100 signs to direct people around the mall. That's
right. One hundred.

Here's an idea for our local decision-makers. Head on down to the mall on a
Thursday or Friday. Try to count the thousands of cars traveling down 212
between 3 and 7 p.m. While you are counting, you may notice that those cars
carry a ton of potential customers. Then try to find a parking spot within
200 yards of your favorite mall dining or shopping establishment. Last time
I went to mall, I had to park at the high school.

I do understand the need to strive for more shoppers and diners, and more
revenue for mall businesses. Anything reasonable we taxpayers can do to
accommodate that, count me in.

But from now on I would hope that we could keep these discussions a bit more
discreet and out of the larger community. When one of our elected officials
blurts out that they once spent from Halloween to Thanksgiving trying to
exit the mall to the south, it makes us look bad. Let's work out these
issues quietly, in dark rooms with no reporters or cameras.

City economic development manager David Lindahl did bring some needed sanity
to the article. He remarked that there is really no evidence the street and
mall access road situation has hurt local businesses. He also said that he
believes the quirky road layout adds charm to the area.

Did you hear that? Charm. You can tell he grew up in this community. He
knows that Eden Prairie used to have a lot of charm. Now I guess we get to
have a lot of signs.