Welcome No More

When was the last time you heard someone say, “You’re welcome”? If you can’t recall, try thanking someone for something: maybe for picking up a lunch tab, or simply for their time in conversation. You’ll most likely wait forever to hear the once common reply, “you’re welcome.” These days, more often than not, a thanked person will simply thank you back. That’s right, a conversation-ending “thank you” slapped right back at you; it’s almost as annoying as the ubiquitous “Absolutely,” when used for even the mildest nod of endorsement. I said “almost” as annoying.

But how on earth have we gotten to a point where we find it difficult to mouth an appropriate “You’re welcome” in response to a “thank you?”

As we all know, Western culture is highly competitive; and that includes competitiveness in the area of “niceness.” I mean, you wouldn’t want anyone to think that a person came out of a conversation with you as a nicer person than you. Would you?

My cynical guess is that this returned “thank-you” is yet another form of good old one-upmanship. You know, a thanked person, maybe feeling patronized, tries to get the upper hand by conveying—via a quickly returned thank you—that he or she is actually a nicer person than the person offering the original thank you. I mean, who wants to be out-thanked? That’s not nice. Just make sure to always get that last “thank you” in. Always remember: as a Minnesotan, you are the font of all politeness, not any person you are talking to.

I’m not positive on this, but I think the gradual erasure of “you’re welcome” from the American lexicon may have it roots in the 1970s, in the early days of the network TV program Nightline. As I recall, at some point the guest interviewees started thanking
Ted Koppel back after he thanked them for appearing on the program – as if the interviewees were so thrilled to be on network television getting his or her 15 minutes of fame, that they just had to thank Ted back for the opportunity. I mean, surely some of the Nightline guests were contemplating where their network appearance might lead. Maybe they’d be asked back for a follow-up interview?—Thirty-minutes of fame! Most certainly they’d be invited to appear on local TV programs in their home towns to answer obvious questions like: What is Ted Kopel really like? How about his ears? Are they—well, you know, the usual. Or maybe they’d be invited to speak at a local Chamber of Commerce luncheon—a paid speaker, hopefully. In any case, the possibilities would be endless. Just as they are endless for the “greenrooms” full of interviewees that now appear on a glut of Nightline-type shows on cable TV. Anyhow, I think Nightline is where and when it started. I don’t remember any of Jack Parr’s guests returning thank yous.

Peter Firchow, a professor of English here at the University of Minnesota told me that he, too has been “struck by this anomaly;” his theory being that the returned “thank you” phenomena may be due, in part, from the interviewees not wanting “to seem ungrateful to an employer;” that, of course, presuming the studio guests are paid for their televised interviews. Makes sense to me! At least, now I know, thanks to Professor Firchow, that I’m not alone in my concerns regarding the extirpation of “you’re welcome” from English usage. But it doesn’t explain why you rarely hear a polite “you’re welcome” in everyday life anymore: in the office; at the checkout counter; anywhere! If only we could resurrect “The American Language” author Henry Mencken from his grave, he’d know what’s gone awry here.

In any case, the next time someone thanks you for something, try hard to squelch the urge to slap them back with a redundant, better-than-thou “thank you” in return. Say “You’re welcome.” And if one-upmanship really is important to you, you can always claim it over the vast majority of the English speaking world. Thanks for reading this.

No, you’re welcome!