It’s no secret that I’m crazy about babies. If there is a baby around at a party or something, I want to hold that baby. I like how they smell, I like to nibble on them, I like talking to them, basically just like them.

I’m now at that delightful stage of Other People’s Babies. (It’s sort of like that handyman ad that says, “Rent a Husband – Much Easier than Owning!”) I do remember that caring for my own babies wasn’t always so blissful. Even setting aside our preemie twins, who stayed in the hospital for four months, hurled fountains six times a day for two years, and had to be fed via stomach tubes, we had Colicky Baby, Barnacle Baby (a.k.a. The Baby Who Could Not Be Put Down) and Shrieking Baby, who actually caused people in an Arizona hotel to come out of their rooms to see what kind of desert creature could be making that noise in the parking lot.

I believe this is why God made babies cute, to ensure their survival to adulthood. That said, with the notable exception of the puking twins, each baby did get easier. Anyone who’s had more than one baby knows that you parent the second (or third or fourth or fifth) baby differently than the first. Here’s a few veteran parent tips you won’t find in books.

Don’t buy anything for the baby. Pregnant? You might as well have a T-shirt that says “Victim of Marketing” on it. Trust me, the baby does not need anything. Dipes, wipes, an old towel to spread on the floor for changing, some plastic bags you can use to remove dirty diapers immediately to the garbage can or garage, a drawer full of T-shirts and sweat pants from somebody’s garage sale, somewhere safe to sleep, a car seat, perhaps a baby swing or sling, and you. Yep, that’ll do it. Save your money for when the baby can actually see more than eight inches away and control his own limbs.

Understand the four-month rule. With my first baby I worried about teaching him to fall asleep on his own, getting him on a feeding schedule, avoiding getting him addicted to a pacifier – all from the first day home from the hospital. What silliness. Before three to four months, most babies aren’t neurologically mature enough to sleep through the night, conform to your schedule, or get “spoiled,” no matter what gadgets you buy or techniques you try. For the first four months or so, just feed and sleep your baby wherever and however makes both your lives easier – think survival mode and make the baby feel loved. You really do get something of a free pass. Save your training for the next 18 years.

Carry the baby a lot. Most babies like to be upright and like you to walk around. A simple, unstructured sling is handy so you can free up a “hand and a half” for chores. Being upright lets all the burps work out and makes the baby less fussy throughout the day.

Use baby calming tricks. Give a feeding. Walk to various rooms with baby upright against your shoulder. Pat or rub his back. Make sshhing sounds and talk sympathetically to the baby. Bounce up and down or sway foot to foot. Cradle his body snugly like you are “holding baby together.” Cup your hand on top of baby’s head, like a hat (this works best for newborns, it reminds them of being in the womb). Try “star hand” (a pediatrician’s trick – explode your fingers like a firework a little ways from baby’s face with a “peeyoo!” explosion sound – for some reason babies really are absorbed by this). Use your psychic powers – hold the baby with intention and imagine calm and reassurance flowing in from your hands, from your cheek touching the baby’s cheek, everywhere. Don’t sit down or put baby down too soon – his brain needs about 20 minutes to relax and clear stress hormones from a full alarm stage.

Watch for over-stimulation signs. Babies have their own weird ways of telling you they’ve had enough, even of pleasant things like playing and talking. Breaking eye contact or getting hiccups can both be signs that a meltdown is on the way. Most babies also have different cries for different things (a repetitive, insistent waah for hunger, a more drawn-out wail for pain or tiredness). Watch and listen to your baby and try to figure out what her personal signals are. Start soothing and taking down the intensity before things get out of hand.

The first four months of babydom are tough, but after that, it really does get better. Meanwhile, just pass me that baby.

I’ll try not to nibble.

Deb Sweeney is an Eden Prairie parent of five children ages 4 to 11. You can submit a topic or question to Deb at realparent100@yahoo.com. Sweeney’s column appears the third week of the month.